Thanksgiving Boil
by NeneJPhilly
Summary: Batman is pushed to his limits during Thanksgiving. (Love You Universe) (oneshot) (COMPLETE)


**_This is honestly one of my favorite stories. It's still slow going on writing these (I'm writing so many other things…) but I have enough for a while. Don't worry._**

 ** _Enjoy and review!_**

 ** _NJPNJPNJP_**

"I don't understand." Raven admitted freely. "Why aren't you coming?"

Diana, Princess of Themyscira (Wonder Woman) sighed. "I know I was supposed to come for Thanksgiving this year but I can't."

"Why?"

"Because."

"That's not a reason."

Diana sighed again. "You don't understand."

"I don't! You've been coming for holidays and birthdays for three years and all of a sudden you don't want to come and you refuse to give me a legitimate reason!"

"Raven-!" Diana ran a hand over her forehead. "I just can't!"

"Why?! Why can't you?! It seems like you don't want to be my mother anymore-!"

"Raven, that's not true!"

"I've lived my entire life without parental support. If you don't want to be in my life, just tell me."

Diana felt as high as a slug. "That is not it, I promise you. It's- it's the fact that Bruce is coming."

"Bruce? What does he have to do with anything?" Raven was confused.

"I- I don't know how to say this without you thinking of me differently."

"I don't judge." _Much_. Raven added mentally in a fit of honesty.

"As you know, I'm not from here. I didn't grow up with men. Coming here with no preparation threw me off. I didn't know what I was doing and I think this is my downfall."

"What are you saying?" Raven's brain was working but she wasn't 100% sure of the picture Diana was painting.

"I fell for two completely different yet oddly similar men." Diana blew out a breath.

"And Bruce is one of them?" It was barely a question.

"Yes."

"Who is the other?"

Diana blinked slowly. "Clark."

Raven's mouth formed an "O".

"I know. Both have other women, both have new sons, both aren't mine. But I want them. And I can't have them."

Raven snapped her mouth shut and looked down at her feet. Pebbles were in a neat pyramid style pile on the floor. She looked back up to the screen of her communicator and tried to wrangle her thoughts. "I-"

"I know." Diana bit her lower lip.

"No, no. This must be difficult for you. Love is hard enough without there being more than two people and other circumstances. I sympathize with you."

"Thank you." Diana sniffed. "I just don't understand how I got myself into this mess. Or how to get out."

"Maybe you should come? To talk to Bruce?"

"What could we possibly have to say to each other? He had a son with another woman." A tear dropped down Diana's cheek.

"Maybe you need to tell him that?"

B-O-I-L

"Why are we here?" Jinx demanded with crossed arms.

"I don't like to get involved with other people's lives but I need your help." Raven clasped her hands together.

"Anything." Changeling was nothing if not blindly supportive.

"Anything within reason." Nightwing put a stop to that.

"It's your father's fault." Raven snapped.

"What?! What'd he do now?!" He groaned.

"Do you know how close my mother is to him?"

"Kissin cousins." Bumble Bee slapped hands with Jinx, who snickered.

"Wait, you know?" Raven was shocked.

"It's so obvious that they have something going on. Along with Mr. America."

Changeling came alive. "You mean Diana and Clark getting it on? Oh yeah."

"What?! How do you know?!" Raven wondered if everyone knew.

"He basically told me." He shrugged.

"Does this mean you know about your dad and my mom?" Raven nodded to Nightwing.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my suspicions." Nightwing lifted a shoulder.

Cyborg laughed. "Poor Diana! She's stuck between a rock and a hard place!"

"I can't believe this!" Terra was blown away. "But they have kids with other women!"

"Yikes!" Kid Flash grimaced.

"Why did Father never speak of this to me?" Starfire was hurt.

"He probably didn't want you to think of him differently." Changeling lifted an eyebrow.

She pouted. "I would never!"

"What I don't get is why you're bringing this up." Jinx looked to Raven.

"Because." Nightwing answered. "They're both coming tomorrow and it's going to be stifling at best."

"Yes." Raven nodded.

"What are we supposed to do?" Kid Flash asked.

"We could give them space to talk." Cyborg suggested. "They should get this over with before it becomes a big problem."

"Look at you, being a person." Bumble Bee teased.

"I'm a person!"

"You're such a boy."

"Well!"

Raven's lips twitched. "You're very evolved, Cyborg."

"That's all I'm saying." He sniffed.

"You big baby." Bumble Bee smirked.

"You are _so_ mean."

She poked her lip out.

"Guys!" Changeling grinned. "We need a plan for them. How are we going to leave them alone?"

"Hmm." Bumble Bee tapped her lip. "We could ask them to go pick stuff in the garden for dinner. We all could cook dinner so they'll have to be the ones to go out."

"That's a great idea." Nightwing nodded. "We'll put Tim in charge of the kids and we can even send a few of us out to pick up other food just in case."

Raven breathed a sigh of relief. "We have a plan. Tomorrow should go smoothly."

B-O-I-L

 _Damn!_ Raven swore internally.

"Thank you for opening your home to us." Selina Kyle (Catwoman) smiled.

"No problem." The Titans lied.

"You should probably warn your mom." Changeling leaned over to whisper to Raven.

Raven pulled out her communicator right as the doorbell rung. _Double damn!_

"I'll get it." Jinx said.

"Where can we put him?" Bruce Wayne (Batman) asked.

"Uh… in the playpen with Bas and Marco." Bumble Bee pointed.

"Thank you." Selina smiled. "He's still asleep and I want to keep him that way."

"He's a screamer?" Changeling asked.

Tim Drake (Robin) nodded with wide eyes. "Yes!"

Bruce nodded as well, along with Selina.

"Marco's pretty quiet." Cyborg was itching to laugh.

"That's not fair." Bruce breathed.

"I believe it will progress better." Starfire nodded once.

"It can't get worse…"

"Hello."

"Hi." Raven greeted Diana.

Diana stepped further into the common-room. "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving."

"Grandma!" Charlotte ran over to hug her.

Diana picked her up and hugged her gently. "Happy Thanksgiving, little one."

"Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Hello, Tim. Hello, Bruce."

"Happy Thanksgiving, Diana." Tim said.

Bruce wasn't sure of her mood. "Hello." It was stiflingly awkward until he remembered his manners. "You've never actually met. Selina Kyle, this is Diana Prince. Diana, Selina."

"Hello." Both women spoke, Selina actually smiling.

"Would you like to meet our baby, Damien?" Selina asked.

"Oh." Diana was stuck.

"Weren't you going to put him down?" Bumble Bee asked quickly.

"Oh yes!" Selina went over to the playpen and set him down inside.

Christopher pulled on Tim's pants for him to lean over. When he did, Christopher asked, "What's going on?"

"I have no idea." The seventeen year old was totally confused.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

"Happy Thanksgiving, bud."

B-O-I-L

"So how are you going to get them alone now?" Jinx whispered.

"I don't know. I didn't anticipate him bringing her." Raven stared hard at Selina, who was regaling the boys in a tale of anti-heroism.

Bumble Bee chewed on her lip. "I think maybe they should go to the store. Send the both of them but say Selina shouldn't go because she can't leave the baby."

"That's so good!" Terra hissed.

"Why would one of us not go?" Starfire asked. "Surely we know this city and its food shopping centers better?"

"We're all busy." Jinx tacked on. "The guys are setting up outside and we're getting things ready in here."

"Thank everything we decided to do a seafood boil." Bumble Bee blew out a breath.

B-O-I-L

Diana picked up a can of Frenchs Fried Onions and put it in the basket behind her.

Bruce followed behind her as she went to look for the next item on the list. "Is this what it's going to be like?"

She ignored him as she searched for the soup aisle.

He grunted. Usually he was the one who didn't talk. Was this how other people felt? It was super annoying. "Diana!"

"What?!" She twirled around.

Did he really want to start this in public? He took a step back and tried to approach this calmly and rationally. "You obviously have a problem with me. Why can't we settle it like adults and move on?"

She glared at him. "Who says I haven't moved on? Only you would think I care so much about you that my life revolved around you. I don't care what you do! My life is fine the way it is!"

He was very confused by her statements. They were at odds with their history and her actions of late but damn if she didn't sound serious. "Then what's the problem? You seem to be mad at me and won't tell me what it is. You know I hate that."

"I don't care what you hate! You're the world's greatest detective! Figure it out!" She whirled around and stomped off.

He looked around but thankfully everyone was busy frantically searching for their own last minute Thanksgiving essentials. But that didn't solve his dilemma. What was so wrong with Diana?

B-O-I-L

They were in line for checkout when Bruce's cellphone rang. He answered. "Hello?"

"Bruce?!" It was Selina and she sounded completely frazzled. "It's me! Are you still at the store?!"

"Yes. Calm down and tell me what's wrong."

"I grabbed the wrong canister!" She wailed. "I didn't pack baby formula!"

"He's awake, isn't he?" Bruce felt terror.

Selina sobbed. "Yes!"

"My word." He felt like cursing. "What did you grab?"

"Coffee!"

That wasn't all the way the wrong thing to bring. They've been going through it like crazy trying to keep up with Damien. "It's alright. I'll get more. What exactly am I looking for?"

Selina breathed. "I really don't know. It's whatever Alfred buys."

"What?! Shouldn't you pay attention to those things?!"

"Why?! Because I'm the mother?! Well you're the father and you don't know and I don't know and I'm so tired and he's crying and upsetting the other children-!"

"Selina. Selina. Selina! Stop crying! I'll just find something."

"Okay." She sniffled.

He almost hung up before a thought occurred to him. "Why don't they have formula there?"

"What?"

"At the tower. Why don't they have formula?"

"Because Karen breastfeeds."

"Well…" He wasn't sure if he should be suggesting this. "Could she not help out?"

"Help out? Help out how?"

"You do remember wet nurses."

"Bruce, you're older than me!"

His lips became a flat line. "I know that. I'm just saying that she can breastfeed him until we get back if he's so hungry."

"I can't ask that of her!"

"Why not?"

"Bruce! That is so disrespectful! We came as guests for Thanksgiving dinner and you want me to take food for her own son!"

Bruce rolled his eyes hard. "Forget I asked."

"Just come back with something good!" She hung up.

 _Why did I get her pregnant?_ Bruce stared at his phone before looking at Diana, who was steadily ignoring him. He sighed. "Can you wait here while I find formula?"

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

 _It's like talking to Tim!_ Why was everyone in his life giving him a hard time?! "I'll be back."

"You don't have to."

He stalked off. He didn't need this! He was Batman! People cowered when they heard his name! They feared him and idolized him and aspired to be him! Not his family! No, they couldn't stand to be around him! His kids always gave him flack, his girlfriend was always yelling at him, his friends were always cracking jokes about him, even his butler was sassy!

"I'm rich. I have money. I'm going to buy an island for just me and be by myself." He muttered.

He wandered around the store until he found the baby aisle. He walked down it and came to formula but seriously didn't know which one to get.

Which one looked like the ones Alfred bought? Truth was, he never looked at the can. He didn't even know how to fix a bottle yet. He barely knew how to feed Damien. Was he that bad a dad?

He called Diana, knowing this could go either way. "Could you please help me? I don't know which one to get."

"Why did you call me?" Diana was cold.

"Because I need your help." He tried to keep his temper.

"Oh? So you think of me in your hour of need but never anything else? I get it."

"Well it's not really an hour of need." He foolishly thought out loud. "I'm sure he'll eat anything I bring back."

"Then I guess you have no problem picking out any old thing. You're known for your consideration, Bruce."

"Wait!" He knew she was about to hang up. "Please, Diana? I'm asking for help. Me! For help! Can you please just set aside your anger for the sake of a baby and help me?"

It was quiet for a long time before her soft voice drifted down the line. "I'll never harm a child."

"Thank you."

She hung up.

He ran a hand through his hair. That was like diffusing a bomb! How can one woman get so mean?! She wasn't like this last year. Last year was fun. He had it all. Everything was smooth sailing and most of all he had his sleep.

His kids still hated him and his friends were still asses but his intimate life was great. He knew when Selina turned on him. She was three months along and things got ugly when he asked her about her pickle intake.

But Diana was a whole other story entirely. She became crabby in February. He didn't even know why. It wasn't like she was pregnant. Right? Could it be possible that she had been pregnant, too and something happened to the baby?

He was surprised that he was so deep in thought that Diana actually snuck up on him. She reached past him for a can of formula and thrust it at him, effectively startling him back to reality.

"Were you pregnant?"

"What?!" Diana did a double take.

"Were you pregnant this last year?" He spoke deeply.

Her mind had gone numb at such a ridiculous question. "What?!"

"Diana!"

"Where is this coming from?!" She took a step back but he stepped with her.

"Answer the question. Were you pregnant?"

"No!"

"Don't lie to me!"

"Excuse you?!" She got angry.

"Is that why you've been so pissy since I announced Selina was pregnant? You were pregnant and you lost your baby?"

"Pissy?!"

"Or were you pregnant by me and you terminated the pregnancy?" His mind was whirling.

"What?! How dare you?! I would never do that! I don't care who the baby was by! Not even you! Who do you think you are?!"

"Then why are you like this?! You act like I cheated on you!" Bruce stopped. Was it that simple? "You are mad at me for getting Selina pregnant."

She glared at him. "I don't care what you do."

"Yes! Why didn't I see it before?! You've been crabby since the first moment I said it!"

"Crabby?!"

"I didn't know what was wrong with you! All because of that?!"

She clenched her fists. "You act like it's not a big thing, you blockhead!"

He blinked. She rarely called people names. He'd really messed up. "Why would that change anything between us?"

"Are you serious?! I'm not a loose woman! I have morals! I don't break up happy homes! You have a family now and I will not go back to our arrangement so you can have you pie and eat it, too!"

"You were with me when I was dating her. What's the difference?"

"The difference is we were all casual. I thought you were dating her for your image. I understood how things had to be. But you and Clark-"

Bruce thought fast. She'd been mad at Clark as well. Since he told the League that he was becoming a father again. That made sense.

"Ruined anything we might have had! Why on Earth would I agree to be with you when you have a family! Who do you think I am?!"

"Diana? Diana? Diana!" He took her by the arms and shook her before planting a kiss on her lips.

She kissed him back for five seconds before breaking away and slapping him. "I am not your whore!"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I never said that!" He cradled his jaw.

"Get the can and let's go." She walked off.

He sighed. That could not have gone worse.

B-O-I-L

The elevator dinged and the common room doors opened seconds later. Both Diana and Bruce walked through.

The guys helped with the groceries. "Did you get everything?"

"Yes." Bruce nodded.

Diana went to Raven. "I have to go."

"No!" Raven ignored the blanket showing up at her panic.

"I can't stay here." She went to Charlotte and Sebastian to hug them. "I'll see you soon."

"But you can't leave!" Raven didn't want her to leave.

"What did you do?" Nightwing glared at his father.

Bruce's mouth fell open. "What did I do?! Okay, it wasn't good but-"

"You ruin everything!"

Bruce felt like crossing his arms.

"Bruce, what did you do?" Selina sighed.

"It wasn't my fault!"

"And my therapist wonders why I need more than an hour to talk." Tim grunted.

Bruce glared. "Here's your can! I hope it's everything you've ever wanted!"

"We don't need it now." Selina said. "Karen fed Damien."

Bruce felt something snap inside him and he threw the can before kicking it in mid-air. It went straight through a window as he stomped out.

Things began levitating and the entire window shattered.

Raven went to calm Sebastian.

"This has been the best Thanksgiving ever." Jinx muttered.

Changeling nodded. "Explosive."

B-O-I-L

Nightwing sat next to Bruce on a large rock on the shore. "Feeling better?"

"I'll pay for the window." Bruce growled.

"That's a no."

"Everything I do is wrong." Bruce shook his head. "I'm tired of it."

"Everything you do is not wrong."

Bruce gave him a sideways glare. "You lead my hater club."

"I do not." Nightwing's lips twitched.

"These women- I don't know what to do with anyone. You, Jason and Tim are mad at me. Damien seems mad at everyone. Selina is mad at me. Diana is furious."

"I think we hold you to a higher standard because you hold yourself to a higher standard. You expect perfection out of everyone else but yourself most of all and we think that since you usually meet that standard, whenever you don't, you're not you." Nightwing said slowly.

"Not me?"

"Hearing about Batman was the coolest thing when I was a kid. You were the best out there and you didn't have magic or superpowers or anything that wasn't God given so that made you a role model for any kid that wanted to do better.

Then meeting you was different. I saw how you really were and how you operated but I still saw you as this bigger than life person. You were barely a person. You got up in the morning for work then stayed up all night fighting crime.

You trained endlessly and challenged yourself daily. You're like a machine. Understandably something's going to suffer and unfortunately it was your personal relationships and sanity."

"Sanity?!"

"You have issues. You can't walk away from that. You can't punch it away, yell it away, train it away. It will always be there if you don't deal with it."

"I said I'd go to therapy."

"You haven't made an appointment."

Bruce pulled a face. "Fine. I'll do it Monday."

"The point is that you have to take care of yourself. Show yourself some love before we believe you have any for us. Yeah, we're mad but we'll get over it. Hopefully."

"Hopefully?!"

"Just take care of yourself and do the right thing. Everything will fall into place when it's supposed to."

Bruce sighed as he looked over the water. "Thank you, Dick."

"You're welcome." They sat in silence for a while until… "What are you going to do about Diana? Are you even still dating Selina? What about Clark and Lois?"

Bruce groaned. "I don't know."

"You don't know what to do? Man, we messed you up."

Bruce tried to glare but laughter bubbled up.

Nightwing shuddered. That laugh was scary beyond all reason.

"I suppose I am messed up." Bruce's lips twisted into a sardonic smile.

"Well you're not alone!" Nightwing slapped him on the shoulder.

"Thank you. Son."

Nightwing smiled. "Welcome. Pop."

"Pop?" Bruce wrinkled his nose.

"That's what Cyborg calls his dad."

"That sounds too close to Pa like that damn country bumpkin Clark."

Nightwing laughed. "You know that's your best friend!"

Bruce glared.


End file.
